“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right-hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.” - Carl R. Rogers
Here's a little secret I’ve learned in the healing process; no matter how bad you think it is or how far you think you are from arriving at where you want to be - you have to first learn to accept yourself.
This always seemed counterintuitive to me and honestly, like sheer admittance of defeat. Like waving the white flag and surrendering to life's unfairness. It felt like giving up.
But acceptance is not giving up, it's the beginning. Loving and accepting yourself exactly as you are, where you are, is the exact point in time and space where the shift occurs.
The white flag still goes up - but not because you are a quitter - because the war is finally over. The war with yourself. The one I spent so many years on the battleground of my own mind relentlessly fighting. One that is, and will always be, a losing battle.
All of a sudden, all of that energy I was using to fight could be channeled elsewhere. I couldn’t heal while I was on the battlefield. I had lay down the defenses and offer up peace.
My peace offering started every morning in the mirror, looking deep into the galaxies of my own eyes, and repeating, "I love and accept myself exactly as I am." Followed by, "I love you." Like any effort to keep the peace and love though, it has to be maintained. It's an ongoing investment. One that we all have to continually return to when things start to stir on the battlefield of our minds and we reach towards our weapons.
We watch the colors of sunsets gently unfold with their own time, pace, and performance; never exactly the same as the evening before, and we watch people unravel and rebuild with compassion and patience. It's time we learned to do that for ourselves.
Healing is not a battle, it’s a truce of the body and the mind. Finally realizing they were never enemies, but allies.
Life by Design was born out of a need for my own self-healing after decades of unresolved illness. It wasn’t until finding the courage to look within that I discovered it was my own belief system holding me back from experiencing a truly thriving life. We all have access to that thriving life. We just need to rediscover our power and ignite the healing-self. Only then can we unapologetically live a life by our own design.