To continue the conversation from Tuesday, unsurprisingly, the first thing I incorporated into the redesign of my mind was meditation. Consistent meditation. Because though I’ve been talking about meditation for quite some time now, I’ve unsuccessfully been able to actually meditate on a regular basis until lately. That critic always liked to sneakily move to the front seat and alert me to the fact that I don’t have time this morning, I’m not seeing results, and quite frankly, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
I tried everything to silence it. Meditate with an app and maintain a consistent streak, meditate after working out, pretend to meditate as I ate my lunch because all else has failed…you get the idea. The problem was, I didn’t have the right motivation.
And honestly, that motivation didn’t come until recently and initially, it came out of fear. Fear that I’ve lost a life, or more specifically a love, that I couldn’t have back.
That prior life included warm sun-streaked mornings waking up in the arms of someone I loved. That was my meditation. I didn’t need to set a timer, or maintain a consistent streak, or remind myself to check it off a self-care list because I could stay in that meditation all day, for hours on end, tuning out the world.
But I parted ways with that love and feared that with it left my sense of connection to something I couldn’t explain.
Then I realized, I could replicate that feeling without the fear of that void. I could fill it instead with the embraces I still have in my life. I started to slowly come out of the layers of sleep, prop up slightly in bed, and think about all of the people I love, and am loved by. Really, deeply, truly love and feel it in my whole body. It sounds weird but after a few mornings, I began to experience this radiating heat in my chest and a feeling, not unlike the one I had before, that I couldn’t quite explain. All I know is, I didn’t have to remind myself to go there anymore. I wanted to package it up and bring it with me.
I think that’s all true meditation is; finding that sense of connection again, and ultimately, a way to carry it with you as you rise to meet the day.
Life by Design was born out of a need for my own self-healing after decades of unresolved illness. It wasn’t until finding the courage to look within that I discovered it was my own belief system holding me back from experiencing a truly thriving life. We all have access to that thriving life. We just need to rediscover our power and ignite the healing-self. Only then can we unapologetically live a life by our own design.