Like the moon, this year has been one of many phases for me. The difference with this year vs years prior, is I gained a whole wealth of new tools to weather those phases. Tools that I resisted for a very long time out of pride, intellectual arrogance (yes, I thought I was smarter than the help I needed), and sheer inconvenience; the ‘I’m doing fine I’ll just keep things above water’ mentality.
One of the biggest additions to that healing toolbox was psychotherapy. Weekly psychotherapy. My process for finding a therapist I felt I could instill my confidence and trust in? I followed her on Instagram (@therapywithkat) and really aligned with her holistic approach to psychotherapy - taking into account the whole individual from an emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual perspective. So I reached out, we had a preliminary phone interview to make sure it was a good fit, then started regular video sessions via Skype. And recently, since she’s based in San Francisco, I’ve been willingly showing up to her office to sit my butt down on that couch for an hour and talk it out, face to face.
Looking back in review, it’s interesting to me how much I resisted those sessions at first. I thought it was so self-loathing, uncomfortable, and quite frankly, back to the inconvenience thing, I didn’t want to get emotional and throw my whole day, or several days. So as our appointment neared I’d start to come up with all sorts of excuses. “I don’t need that shit right now. I’m fine. This isn’t helping. I feel worse. I don’t have time. I’ll never be able to bring her up to speed.” The list goes on. But somehow, I was always able to silence that voice and show up. The more I showed up, the easier it got. The sessions, and my life.
Like starting a fitness routine or a new nutrition plan (shoutout to those upcoming 2019 resolutions), I think it’s hard at first. You have to break the habit of being you, old you, to become the new improved you. Once you find your rhythm though, it’s an investment with the potential for great returns. An investment in yourself. Undoubtedly, the best investment you can make.
Life by Design was born out of a need for my own self-healing after decades of unresolved illness. It wasn’t until finding the courage to look within that I discovered it was my own belief system holding me back from experiencing a truly thriving life. We all have access to that thriving life. We just need to rediscover our power and ignite the healing-self. Only then can we unapologetically live a life by our own design.